Pay Attention

You open the computer, and a million news headlines assault you, shouting over one another.

SHOOTING INTO CROWD

HUNDREDS DEAD

SYSTEMATIC KILLING

Such a tragedy, someone next to you says.

Who would do such a thing?

Well- I heard he was mentally ill. Out of his mind.

A knowing look, and a finger tracing an invisible circle around the ear.

--

You’re in a crowded room all the time, with a million things vying for your attention

But really the room’s not crowded, it’s way too silent, and people are looking at you funny

--

What's for dinner?

By the time she answers you're not listening anymore, and you see the flash of annoyance because she already told you.

You-

The fan circles, making a rhythmic noise that you automatically mirror with your foot on the floor

Never pay attention-

You trace the patterns on the cabinet with your eyes, thinking about how they were carved

To me-

There are exactly 7 lightbulbs in the room. Onetwothreefourfivesixseven

She throws up her hands and walks away.

--

You get there before her, changing lanes every 5 minutes because it gets boring being in the same one for a while

You walk inside and order

That was rude, she informs you. Why didn’t you wait for me?

Your one track mind didn’t even consider her, and you know how rude it would sound if you said that out loud

So you just shrug

She looks at you with hurt in her eyes

--

Would you get rid of it if you could?

One little swallow and you’d be free

But what if you’re not yourself anymore