{"id":114,"date":"2019-02-25T21:19:42","date_gmt":"2019-02-25T21:19:42","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.freestyleacademy.rocks\/~AmandaC\/?page_id=114"},"modified":"2019-04-08T20:38:34","modified_gmt":"2019-04-08T20:38:34","slug":"humor-2","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/freestyleacademy.rocks\/~AmandaC\/humor-2\/","title":{"rendered":"Humor"},"content":{"rendered":"

INT. RESTAURANT OR DINNER TABLE. DAY<\/span><\/p>\n

MEAT-GAN and their friends sit down at a table. They all bring out their food and Meat-gan gives the stink eye to the people with salad. Meat-Gan\u2019s eyes grow wide as they realize that everyone is consuming plants happily. Meat-gan is shocked, appalled, horrified at the sight before them. People eat plants in slow motion messily, chomping down without a care in the world. They continue eating as Meat-gan gets more and more worked up, the black bars really coming in hot and some nice ringing audio hell yeah.<\/span><\/p>\n

Meat-gan slams their hands down on the table. <\/span><\/p>\n

Meatgan: You\u2019re <\/span>really <\/span><\/i>going to eat those plants in front of me?<\/span><\/p>\n

Dead silence. Everyone looks up from their salads. Lettuce falls out of their gaping mouths. Is Meat-gan on crack?<\/span><\/p>\n

Meatgan: You know I\u2019m meat-gan.<\/span><\/p>\n

Friend 1: What?<\/span><\/p>\n

Meatgan: Meat-gan. (beef. nobody knows what they\u2019re talking about. they look around confused then continue speaking) I made a twitter post about this last night. <\/span>(proud) <\/span><\/i>I\u2019ve officially gone meat-gan. <\/span><\/p>\n

Friend 2: Do you mean vegan?<\/span><\/p>\n

Meatgan (appalled, taken aback): <\/span>MEAT<\/span><\/i>-gan. (self-righteously) I\u2019ve made the bold decision to not take part in the mass murder of plants. <\/span><\/p>\n

Friend 1: Wait so you\u2019re\u2026 a carnivore? Is that what this is?<\/span><\/p>\n

Meatgan (hurt, offended): This is <\/span>nothing <\/span><\/i>like being a carnivore. Being a carnivore is primitive. Being a meat-gan is a lifestyle choice. <\/span><\/p>\n

Friend 2: Oh, I think I understand<\/span><\/p>\n

Friend 1: What do you mean you understand?! This is the dumbest thing I\u2019ve ever heard.<\/span><\/p>\n

Meatgan: You <\/span>clearly <\/span><\/i>don\u2019t understand what going meat-gan means. When you eat plants, you\u2019re hurting the environment. I\u2019m doing my part and not damaging mother earth more than I have to. I\u2019m SAVING oxygen. <\/span><\/p>\n

Friend 2: Oh man, I could <\/span>never <\/span><\/i>do that. Plants are too delicious.<\/span><\/p>\n

Meatgan (flexing): I know. It\u2019s so hard. But I guess my moral fiber is stronger than others\u2026<\/span><\/p>\n

MEATGAN looks over at Friend 1 who is still eating their salad. Friend 1 stops mid bite and puts down their fork. Meatgan begins to chomp down on their meat sandwich (2 cuts of meat sandwiching together another cut of meat idk something nasty like that). Passerby walks past Meatgan and Friend 1 and 2\u2019s table, doing a double take on the meat sandwich.<\/span><\/p>\n

Passerby: Sorry I don\u2019t mean to intrude but\u2026 is that a meat sandwich?<\/span><\/p>\n

Meatgan: Yeah. I actually just went —<\/span><\/p>\n

Passerby: Meatgan? Oh my god, me too! Wow, it\u2019s so nice to finally meet so many other —<\/span><\/p>\n

Passerby looks at Friend 1 and 2\u2019s plates, noting all the plants. Friend 1 looks embarrased and hides his plate. Passerby gets increasingly more enraged (re: the anger Meatgan had in the first part)<\/span><\/p>\n

Passerby: I mean, <\/span>another <\/span><\/i>meatgan.<\/span><\/p>\n

Meatgan: That\u2019s what I\u2019ve been saying! I\u2019ve been trying to get these two to go meatgan for sooooo many years!<\/span><\/p>\n

Friend 1: You literally just went meatgan yes–<\/span><\/p>\n

Passerby: Me too! Honestly, I can\u2019t even look at plants for too long without getting (passerby shudders). (friend 2 understandably nods)<\/span><\/p>\n

Friend 1: Hold on, shut up! This is ridiculous. If you really want to save the environment, how about — oh, I don\u2019t know — not eating animals? Animals have feelings. Plants don\u2019t.<\/span><\/p>\n

Meatgans look confused. Passerby raises an eyebrow. They shared a confused look, contemplating the idea that plants <\/span>don\u2019t <\/span><\/i>have feelings. They whisper to each other silently, sharing a few silent laughs or whatever before Meatgan turns back to Friend 1.<\/span><\/p>\n

Meatgan: Look, I’m not saying that being meatgan makes you smarter than everyone else… but a meatgan would <\/span>never<\/span><\/i> say that. <\/span>(beef) <\/span><\/i>Being meatgan isn\u2019t for everyone. I guess people like you just\u2026 don\u2019t have what it takes. <\/span><\/p>\n

Friend 1: I don\u2019t think I\u2019m —<\/span><\/p>\n

Friend 2 sheepishly pushes away their salad, avoiding eye contact with Friend 1.<\/span><\/p>\n

Friend 1: Oh my god, not you too?<\/span><\/p>\n

Friend 2: I just\u2026 the science isn\u2019t conclusive y\u2019know? Meatganism\u2026 it makes sense.<\/span><\/p>\n

Friend 1: You\u2019ve got to be —<\/span><\/p>\n

Meatgan and Passerby high five Friend 2 and they all move to the same side of the table. Friend 1 looks between Friend 2 and Meatgan\/Passerby, angry and defiant. Meatgan, Passerby, and Friend 2 look smugly at each other, all crossing their arms and looking distastefully at Friend 1\u2019s food choice in front of them. Slow motion: Meatgan smirks, Passerby shakes their head at Friend 1, Friend 2 sneakily pulls some lettuce out of their teeth.<\/span><\/p>\n

Friend 1 see\u2019s he\u2019s not getting anywhere, and hits his salad off the table standing up.<\/span><\/p>\n

Friend 1: You know what, you guys can have fun with your stupid meat. Now if you\u2019ll excuse me, I\u2019m going to <\/span>happily <\/span><\/i>get a bottle of balsamic dressing and murder some plants elsewhere. <\/span><\/p>\n

Friend 1 storms off. The meatgans crowd around the fallen salad. The original meatgan picks up a lettuce leaf, caressing it. <\/span><\/p>\n

Meatgan: There there, you\u2019re alright now<\/span><\/p>\n

The camera reveals a small, cute face on the lettuce leaf, crying softly.<\/span><\/p>\n

Fin<\/span><\/p>\n

\n
\n
\n
<\/div>\n

\t\t\t