In English, we had to write a personal essay that related to out personal statement. I did mine off of my fear of trusting people.

In WebAudio, we made the essay into a podcast because we wanted the viewer to feel more into the story and have more feelings about it. We used Flash to do this podcast.

The ocean is calm and serene. It seems peaceful and quiet. But that tranquility soon subsides. It slowly gives in to the wrath of the tidal wave, bearing down on the earth and destroying everything in its path. Black and menacing, the tidal wave threatens to drown any one person it reaches. The spray of the ocean swirls in the air, tasting like salt. The sky is gray and dark, gloomy and black. The sound of the tidal wave is loud and bloodcurdling. I can smell the ocean mist coming from the sea, and it terrifies me. Conquering my fears does not always involve putting myself out there. 

 Several years ago, I had my first encounter with an untrustworthy friend. I had trusted them with one of my biggest secrets at the time, and they told a handful of people what it was. These people, particularly, were the ones I specifically said not to tell. I was completely taken by surprise, like a deer in the headlights, and had a hard time trusting people with my personal secrets after that.

 Since then, trusting people has not been my strong point. Whenever I did get the courage to trust someone, they would always betray me and stab me in the back. Because of these experiences, I have had an extremely difficult time with trust. I am getting better at it, because I’m learning not to really care. Nowadays, I am pretty open about things that I previously was not, such as my sexuality. I used to be very closed off about that, but I have learned to accept myself and not care what others think. I have almost conquered my fear of trusting people, and I’m getting better at it.

 I also have a hard time speaking in front of people. Some might say, “Oh, that’s normal”. But I struggle with just speaking in front of a few people. My hands get all sweaty, and my heart feels like it will burst out of my chest. I always think that I will embarrass myself or say something stupid and idiotic. This fear mostly applies to public speaking and presenting, but it also relates to my social life.

 My struggle with trusting people also goes along with my social anxiety. Just my luck, to go along with distrust, I also have very bad social anxiety. I get nervous around new people I meet and have a hard time making conversation with them. Even with people I have known for a long time, I still get nervous at times and can’t make conversation.

 All I want is to be comfortable with myself and not be afraid of anything; to stand in front of the tidal wave of my fears and conquer everything. Sadly, that probably will never happen. I have an extremely low self image, and that doesn’t make anything better. But I try my hardest to conquer my fears, because it doesn’t always involve putting myself out there.