Personal Essay

For the personal essay assignment, we wrote a college common application essay that was to show and reveal our core values and show vulnerability. We used Ethan Sawyer’s, aka “The College Essay Guy,” book in order to learn and follow his methods on how to write an effective personal essay.

The day I heard my mom scream while seeing her tightly hold my baby sister was one of the scariest moments of my life.

I didn’t know exactly what was happening, but I definitely could sense that something was wrong as I heard loud ambulance sirens and my mom yelling, “Help! Help my baby! Someone please help her!” Red and blue flashing lights engulfed the living room, and everything seemed a blur. Soon a stretcher rolled through our front door, with unfamiliar men and women running into our house.

I can’t place the exact emotions that I felt on that day, because at the age of seven, I was too young to understand what was going on. But now, whenever I think back to that moment, seeing my dad panicked and my mom consumed with fear, I know I could never relive that point in my life.

It wasn’t until weeks later that I fully understood what had happened. My sister had gone into a seizure; the doctors diagnosed her with a disorder called epilepsy and said she would continue to have seizures as a result of excessive and abnormal brain cell activity.

As a child, I became accustomed to this stressful situation. Whenever she did have a seizure, I would force myself to stay calm and think rationally. Her seizures would usually happen in the evening when my dad would typically be at work, so my other younger sister wouldn’t really know what to do, and my mom would react out of fear. During those times I told myself that I would have to be the third parent. I would be there to comfort my mom and sister, and I would do everything that I could to ease the pain and the burden of my sister’s epilepsy from my family.

But, in assuming this role, I created a burden for myself.

While I became a guardian of my sister’s health, my need for control and security over everything around me grew. As a daughter, I felt the need to be perfect, whether that be in school, relationships, or responsibilities. As the oldest sister, I felt the need to be the best role model.

Putting all these responsibilities on myself led to intense self-criticism. Any small mistake became the end of the world to me. As I became excessively self-reliant, I entered a dark place where no one understood me and where I would always feel alone.

But, after hitting rock bottom, I made a decision. I didn’t have to hold onto the burden of my sister’s epilepsy; in fact, no person should have to carry such weight. I had to begin to talk about the immense pressure I felt to be the “third parent” with my family so that I could find relief. I had to learn to give up my self-sufficient nature, and actually seek help with all the hurt that I was feeling.

My choice led me to feeling freer to be my messy, imperfect self. Instead of pretending to have everything together all the time, I was able to find genuine relief and happiness through being honest about what was really going on in my heart. Not only that, but by talking with each of my family members about the pressure, I was able to feel closer to each one of them, particularly my mom. She was sad that I felt so much about my sister, but she appreciated that through my honesty, we would be able to build a strong connection. 

Seeing my sister have a seizure for the first time was one of the scariest moments of my life, and even though I could never do anything to change it, I have learned to be grateful for and appreciate the little moments that we have together a whole lot more.