Mirror Mirror
In our English class, we were assigned to write an essay that addresses an aspect of ourselves using a central metaphor. Throughout the essay, we referred to this central image while describing how it relates to us. I chose to use a mirror as my central image, and described how I have evolved and seen that change take place in my mirror. In Web/Audio, we were assigned to create a podcast based on this essay, incorporating relevant pictures and setting it to some music. I hope that by reading my essay and listening to my podcast, you can get a better sense of who I am, and who I'm trying to be.
The rays of sunlight streaming in from the window reflect off the mirror. The light reaches a turning point in its journey as it hits the glass, and begins heading in a new direction. I take in my surroundings: the glass windows that serve as a divider between me and the outside world, the blank papers that litter my desk - canvases waiting to be filled with masterpieces of thought and ingenious ideas, the lush greenery outside my window, burgeoning with growth and potential. And then I see my reflection, the most curious sight of all. I see the two-year old, with eyes as big as saucers, ready to soak in the entire world. I see the seven-year old, carefree as can be, a caterpillar longing to become a butterfly. I see the twelve-year old, mascara wand in hand, attempting to paint onto herself an image of perfection. And I see myself now, with sixteen whole years under my belt, as mature as I’ve ever been, but still clueless as to who I am.
Looking into the tiny mirror perched atop my desk, I don’t see a confident young adult with a strong sense of self. Instead, I see a lost little girl, overwhelmed by the present and scared of the future. Various notebooks and binders stuffed with papers are scattered across the floor of my bedroom, and my to-do list is flooding with tasks to complete. College websites and the Forbes “15 Most Valuable College Majors” articles are open tabs on my laptop, shaming me for not having already paved a path for the rest of my life. I’m asking myself all these questions about what I want to do when I grow up, and who I want to become, while I don’t even know who I am. The little girl in the mirror is a stranger, lost among the thousands of other reflections that have passed through the silver glass.
I remember the history of this mirror, the same one I’ve looked into almost my entire life. Every time my eyes have gazed into the reflective glass, I have seen a different self-portrait. It offers a glimpse into my soul, collecting a little piece of me every time. Sometimes those pieces are the ear-to-ear grins after an A on a math test, and sometimes they are the concentrated eyes plucking my eyebrows to perfection. They are the fresh tears and hyperventilation of a mental breakdown, or the frustration and desperation of an identity crisis.
In a world where adolescents are expected to know exactly who they are so early in their lives, I feel like I am behind, struggling to keep up with the rest simply because I’m still trying to figure myself out. The truth is, I have no idea who this person staring right back at me is, and that scares me more than anything. All I have are these pieces that the mirror has collected, an accumulation of snapshots, a story sixteen years in the making that still isn’t complete.
I constantly feel pressured to finish my story of self-discovery, to quickly scribble down a few sentences as to how it ends. But perhaps one of the greatest lessons I have learned in my life is that hasty endings are far from happily-ever-afters. Good things come to those who wait, and true self-discovery is among those things that are worth the patience. Personal growth is an organic process, and in order to fully experience the benefits I must be willing to wait for the harvest.
Over all these years, I have seen myself rise to my highest peak and fall to my lowest valley. With every version of myself I’ve seen in that mirror, I uncover more and more about my true identity, hoping that it’ll be a sight worth seeing. My eyes flit from the trees outside, growing taller every day, back to the image in the mirror, constantly changing, and I realize that the two are one in the same. In my reflection, I see the same potential for growth, the flowers just beginning to blossom, the trunk stretching itself towards the sky every second of the day. I see myself in the present, the past, and the future, bright as can be.
Mirror mirror, on the desk, whose reflection will I see next?
