Intro
To kickoff Senior year, Freestyle challenged us to get to know ourselves and explain ourselves by asking us the question “Who am I?”, which was actually quite challenging. Eventually answering this question for Freestyle also proved to be helpful for my college essays as I was able to reflect on what I felt made me me and the different things that have shaped me to be who I am today.
As a first year film student, I went through more than several idea drafts before I went out to film and edit. I eventually found a way to answer “Who am I” in an interpretive and genuine way. I filmed at Rancho San Antonio, a very beautiful spot where I filmed myself painting. I went back to get some audio and more footage. For this project I filmed myself painting, and I did not only produce a film but I also made a painting I was quite proud of! Although editing is not my strong suit, I fairly successfully edited together my video. In this video, I chose to describe myself using color and an overall theme of acceptance.
In Digital Media, we made mandalas! This was so fun to me. Our teacher gave us directions on how to make mandala templates and our assignment was to produce a black and white template that also answers the question “Who am I”. At first you might question this––how can you make a mandala describe yourself? I asked myself this question too, but once I got to drawing in Adobe Illustrator it came pretty naturally. I found myself drawing patterns of stars, peace signs, smiley faces, and trees. I was illustrating how I value nature, happiness, and simplicity, and I am extremely happy with the results. An amazing part of creating these mandalas was that we got to hold our work. Mr. Florendo had us print our mandalas on a variety of different materials to choose from; brown leather, plastic with LED light, rose gold metal, silver metal, wood, wood with natural bark, etc. How exciting. For my nature-esque theme and attraction to trees, I chose the smaller wood slab with natural bark. Around a week after I turned in my digital black and white mandala, I came into class and saw my mandala had been printed on wood. I was SO happy with how it looked. It very much exemplified myself… Mr. Flo agreed.
In English we had to answer the “Who am I” question by writing our personal essay statement. This assignment felt the most intimidating to me, as I saw it as a paper that was going to help determine the next four years of my life. Kind of a a big deal. Draft after draft I felt completely unsatisfied. Feedback from Mr. Greco and my peers was incredibly helpful, yet it wasn’t until I sat down with my mom one Sunday for several hours until I completed my final draft of my personal statement. My paper consisted a lot of how I had grown through my mom’s journey with breast cancer in my Junior year, as well as juggling all my jobs and volunteering at the same time. I think it turned out really well and I am thankful for all the help and perspective Freestyle granted me through the process.
Personal Museum Curation
The Museum of the World’s Brightest
Who am I?
I have spent my first few weeks in school at Freestyle answering that question. Or attempting to, at least. I have written, re-written, written, half written, deleted, and re-written drafts of essays trying to answer the question those three words beg.
At a time where I felt more stuck than ever attempting to answer this question yet again, Freestyle took us to the San Francisco MOMA. Us seniors were given an assignment where we were to create our own personalized museum. We were to be our own painters, art critics, and curators and through this process, as we wandered the echoey rooms of the MOMA, we would find three pieces of art that best describe us and help us answer the question “who am I”, as well as two additional pieces that would do the exact opposite. The pieces we felt didn’t exemplify us, we would exclude from our personal museums and the three that did we would include.
The museum was huge. Walls upon walls upon displays upon floors were adorned with creative masterpieces, so my drive to find those five pieces of meaningful art dwindled slightly. Yet, I threw my small body in front of several vast rectangular frames until I found my desired five.
I present to you, The Museum of the World’s Brightest.
Included in museum
Artist: Mickalene Thomas
How does this help answer “who am I?”
This painting stuck out to me the most out of everything I saw at the MOMA. I have been more and more attracted to vibrant colors. I have been more and more attracted to putting myself out there and taking risks, and this painting felt like it had the same motives. The painting itself feels alive, it is almost hard to believe there was a creator behind it, that the painting didn’t just reach over and paint itself. The painting made an impression, an impression that was so strong and unique that is made a name for itself. Knowing I am going into a tough career and having had such a transformative last couple of months, I feel that I am taking strides toward making a name for myself.
How does this represent my core values / why was it included?
This piece encouraged me to entertain my newfound openness for change, I feel more comfortable putting myself in uncomfortable situations. Whether it be switching up my clothing style or preparing to go into an incredibly difficult field to be successful in, this piece of art reminded me of the vibrancy and fruitfulness that comes from new beginnings and experiences. The use of blue contrasting with red, with brown, with yellow with the added touch of jewels was absolutely stunning. This is no ordinary portrait, it is a twist on a regular thing, a refreshing twist.
How has my own work as an artist and my own criticism of my artwork influenced my choices about which pieces made my Personal Museum and which pieces didn’t make the cut?
I have been taking more risks on what I produce artistically, and this piece of art reminded me of the many boundaries that are just waiting to be broken.The vivid colors, the use of crystals, and the confrontational stare of the woman in the frame are not simple. There’s a complexity to the strokes used on her skin versus the strokes used on her hat. I adore portrait pieces, they are my personal favorites to paint so this one really stood out to me as a beautiful, complex, and refreshing portrait.
I love creating art that makes people a little uncomfortable. I noticed several high school boys passing this piece of art, pointing, laughing, and whispering “boobs” to their friends. This piece can be interpreted as so much more, though. The lady is breaking through the frame the artist set for her. She is not confined by something that every portrait, every art piece usually is. And she is soulely, and completly comfortable with herself as she does it. This masterpiece would go beautifully alongside the other meaningful art pieces I have chosen to go in my museum, as it encourages the onlookers to break through the boundaries others have imposed onto them, whether it be in regards to their life and existence as a whole, like the frame the lady is in, or whether it be the physical standards and predispositions society highlights.
Included in museum
Artist: Not known
How does this help answer “who am I?”
This art piece truly spoke to me. I interpreted it as a woman breaking through her frame. A prominent feature are her breasts, which the artist seems to want to make evident to the onlookers. There is so much power that exudes from this piece, and when I looked at it, I felt empowered, comfortable in my own skin, and I felt a sense of acceptance. The grounding nature this piece offered reminded me that throughout my life, I have always had root support systems which help me grow and evolve and become what I am. Nothing is possible without a solid foundation. My foundation through my yoga, painting, music, church, home (OR), vegan-ness, and family all make me feel empowered to be what I am; A woman, a sister, a daughter of a breast-less mother due to breast cancer, and someone who carries herself with respect.
How does this represent my core values / why was it included?
The artwork I produce often has a very confrontational nature to it. I like to focus up-close on the human body. I did this when I started to take my journey to self acceptance seriously, and it truly blossomed when I learned that the love I have for myself is eternal, it is simply a matter of knowing I am enough, and I am not just my body. Breasts are often associated with what makes a woman a woman. Even though I myself have prominent breasts, I also have a close connection with the other side– my mom went through a double mastectomy in order to be safe of the breast cancer she was diagnosed with. She sacrificed what society had taught her made her a woman, but I learned a lot from her outlook. She told me she had done everything she needed to do; she had babies, she fed them, and now she is herself, just without the boobs she no longer really needed anyways. Because of that, I have never felt more comfortable to let myself simply be as I am. Nothing matters more than self love, perspective, and acceptance.
How has my own work as an artist and my own criticism of my artwork influenced my choices about which pieces made my Personal Museum and which pieces didn’t make the cut?
I love creating art that makes people a little uncomfortable. I noticed several high school boys passing this piece of art, pointing, laughing, and whispering “boobs” to their friends. This piece can be interpreted as so much more, though. The lady is breaking through the frame the artist set for her. She is not confined by something that every portrait, every art piece usually is. And she is solely, and completely comfortable with herself as she does it. This masterpiece would go beautifully alongside the other meaningful art pieces I have chosen to go in my museum, as it encourages the onlookers to break through the boundaries others have imposed onto them, whether it be in regards to their life and existence as a whole, like the frame the lady is in, or whether it be the physical standards and predispositions society highlights.
Included in museum
Artist: Frank Stella
How does this help answer “who am I?”
A beautiful, perfect mess. There is no other shell that could contain such complex beauty and unique non-perfection that is the human spirit and soul. This painting forced me to confront the constant distortion that comes along with living, yet the vibrant beauty this life brings. The non-cohesive shapes and colors with no particular pattern make me feel happy. I know I as a human am completely imperfect, and it is strangely comforting knowing a painting, created by another imperfect human, can be so imperfect, mismatched, and uneven, yet so beautiful and complex.
How does this represent my core values / why was it included?
A lot of people will do everything in their power to make everyone else have the impression that they have their (pardon my language) shit together. When inside, we all know that none of us have it all together all the time, because this world is just as cruel yet kind to each and every one of us. Although some are richer, some have deeper struggles, we are all walking on the same plane, side by side as humans. I feel different in the fact that I am ok, and encourage myself to let others understand I am often almost never put together. Sure, I am organized but I am always late and am more often than not, swimming in a pool of the messes I make, literally and figuratively. I interpreted this painting to speak on behalf of those who are ok with their mess, and encourage those to acknowledge the beauty in the disarray and doubt only us humans can create in our lives.
How has my own work as an artist and my own criticism of my artwork influenced my choices about which pieces made my Personal Museum and which pieces didn’t make the cut?
I have felt the world pulling me toward letting myself unleash the vibrancy and energy within myself. I feel I have always been a nice, happy person, but there is another level I feel surfacing of just raw Ilsa. I have seen it peaking through in my newer pieces of art, my interactions with people, my stylistic choices, and more. This painting would be right at home in my museum as its beautiful colors and shapes reflect the raw formation of the constant state of change this world puts us in.
Honorable Mention – Included in Museum
Artist: Unknown
How does this help answer “who am I?”
I am what confines me, I am what sets me free. For example, no one ever told me or even encouraged me to get a job. At 16 I wanted one, landed one at Stanford, and eventually led me to where I am now with three jobs.
How does this represent my core values / why was it included?
I have my mind set on achieving in a very difficult field, and I will be unsuccessful if I build a cell around me, one where I don’t let myself grow, change and learn. This painting shows in a lighthearted way that the power is within one’s self.
How has my own work as an artist and my own criticism of my artwork influenced my choices about which pieces made my Personal Museum and which pieces didn’t make the cut?
This graphic piece is a fun way of encouraging viewers to acknowledge what they themselves might be doing to dwindle their current state of being. I would want this painting to be in my museum as it is a reminder that all people should heed in order to feel free.
Excluded
Artist: Cy Twombly
How does this help answer “who am I?”
Initially, my brain wanted to interpret this piece in a positive manner. Yet, I couldn’t. It appears as scribbles on a chalkboard. These scribbles all look the same, like they were copied and pasted over and over again. Nothing refreshing, nothing new, and it is all severely not-encouraging. The muted tones remind me of what the inside of my brain looks like when I am bored.
How does this represent my core values / why was it included?
I live to entertain, to take risks and to be everything that I can be. To feel what other people are feeling and to play off of their emotions.To live vibrantly and to accept uncertainty. The lack of entertainment this piece involves is testament to everything I am not.
How has my own work as an artist and my own criticism of my artwork influenced my choices about which pieces made my Personal Museum and which pieces didn’t make the cut?
The bleakness of this artwork, although a good contrast with my other, very vibrant pieces of art, is a letdown in energy and spirit. I would not include it in my museum because in no way does it encourage the growth, vibrancy, and the excitement my museum vouches for.
Excluded
Artist: Alma Thomas
How does this help answer “who am I?”
The colors of this piece are pretty, they remind me of sorbet ice cream. I in fact, strongly dislike sorbet ice cream. It is too much of everything. Too sugary, too fruity, and too tangy. Yet this painting seemed too little of everything. There was no risk, no growth, or start and finish to this piece. I am in a constant state of changing and growing which creates a pretty constant state of excitement for myself. I feel this painting had no journey, it just stayed straight and plain.
How does this represent my core values / why was it included?
This one’s colors were extremely muted and whitewashed. It made me feel like I was in a box, a box where there is no room for mistakes, where the boundaries are set, and where no one else can impose their opinion. It has tunnel vision, there is nothing that can break the stride of this straight forward, muted, non-complex piece. I am on the opposite, far end of this scale where I am strongly myself, yet always open to and consider the influence of other humans, things, and places.
How has my own work as an artist and my own criticism of my artwork influenced my choices about which pieces made my Personal Museum and which pieces didn’t make the cut?
My whole life is a series of rises and falls, roses and thorns, mountains and peaks. I would not include this piece in my museum because it does not exemplify or encourage any sense of growth through uncertainty and change. It is simple, plain, and not-encouraging.
Mandala
Personal Essay
The college application process is no joke. In English at Freestyle, a whole unit is spent working on our personal essay. I am so thankful for this, as with the help and insight from my peers and Mr. Greco, the essay I created ended up being a piece I am very proud of, not to mention it has gotten me into a few schools already!
In Digital Media, I was able to take a more light-hearted approach on answering the question “who am I?”. This was a wonderful breath of fresh air after so carefully structuring my personal essay in English. We were assigned to produce a video- it could be a “rant” or something describing our perspective on a specific thing, or something that displays something we are passionate about. I chose to speak on veganism, something I am very passionate about.
Personal Essay
This essay has gone through more than one essay ever should. I feel happy with it though, and I think especially Mr. Greco and my mom for their help.
A place I loved so much, a place I looked forward to working on the weekends, became a place I began to resent. Walking down the long, overly-sterile hallway made me feel sick to my stomach. But I wouldn’t dwell on the feeling, since I knew those around me were far more uncomfortable. I approached the last door at the end of the hallway, adjacent to a grand window where, through skinny branches, I saw the sun setting. I observed no beauty in the vibrant orange and yellow colors penetrating the pale blue sky. I sanitized my hands, gave my little sister a nervous smile, and entered the room, opening the door to a new stage in my life, one that would change it forever. Stanford University—a place I loved—had become overpowered by Stanford Hospital, 300 Pasteur Drive, Stanford, CA 94305, tevel two, wing B, labeled for surgical recovery.
My mom had come back from her surgery 100% herself. Okay, maybe 98%. In the middle of the hurricane that is junior year, she had a double mastectomy, to make certain the cancer was gone. The next few months I was fetching ice water for my mom, taxiing my younger sister to cheer practice, leaving school to transport my mom to appointments, and being alone at home with my sister for weeks on end while our mom battled infection. I had already been working two jobs simultaneously, volunteering as a leader for my church’s youth group, and serving as youth mass coordinator; all of which taught me about responsibility. Yet, my family-related duties were an entirely different kind. The time I used to spend working and with friends was now spent focusing on school, taking care of family, practicing music, and exploring myriad options for the next four years of my life.
On the upside, I was afforded a wealth of new experiences and opportunities. At the end of my Junior year at Freestyle Academy, a school of arts and communications I attend, I embarked on the mountain-of-a-project called the “documentary unit”, where I profiled my mom. This was my first opportunity to reflect on how much I had grown through the immense difficulties I faced those past few months. It became clear to me that all the work and volunteering I signed myself up for was to make a difference for the better in other people’s lives.
Working at Stanford at the Office for Religious Life has exposed me to all kinds of different religions and experiences which have helped me grow in compassion and curiosity—curiosity about what makes life worth living to other people. As a church youth group leaders, I help teenagers by volunteering several hours a week to meticulously plan and lead activities that encourage them to reflect on their relationships with God and people and how they can make a difference in the world.
Through these reflections, I found myself becoming more driven to pursue what I wanted for myself in life; after seeing how fragile human life really is through my mom and her illness, I felt a unique and powerful impulse to create a future for myself that I was excited about.
I applied and was accepted into an acting-for-camera intensive in L.A. All of the leadership roles I had taken on and all the work I had done for my church, mom, jobs, and music, had helped prepare me for this opportunity. Having that zest for human connection, working with other actors, and conditioning my emotions, I found acting falls in line with what made my life feel worth living. Who knew pretending to be someone else would teach me so much about myself?
It has been through caring about other people and their situations that I have found myself and my passions. I continue to nurture my relationships and build new ones, with an open heart and mind to new experiences.
Film!
This is my first year in film class. I love learning about film- there is an unimaginable amount of work that goes into even the smallest productions. Mr. T and my friends in the class have all been so wonderful in helping me succeed in a challenging class in which I am new.
For this project I answered “who am I?”. I did what I know best in order to spark creativity for my first ever film; I painted. I filmed. I edited. It was so fun, so tiring, and so exciting. I tend to put more on my plate than I can actually handle––so for my very first film one might think taking on this new challenge would be enough to keep me busy. This is correct, but naturally I had to take it one step further and I didn’t only write and produce my first film, I also required myself to spend many hours creating a painting FOR this film. Although this film is far from perfect especially through the eyes of a film student, I feel generally happy and content with how it turned out and I am excited to build my skills.